Cursed: St. Louis Cardinals

In the world of curses, not every curse is the Curse of the Bambino.  Some are more subtle.  You need a magnifying glass and a fine tooth comb to figure out what is currently ailing the team. Well, maybe not a magnifying glass but definitely the ability to skillfully navigate baseball-reference.com....with a fine-tooth comb.

 

Notwithstanding my killer research skills with these sort of things, I can see Cardinal fan sitting there saying "Cursed? What are you talking about? We just won the World Series in '06. How can we be cursed?"  Well, my response would be unless you won it this year something eerie is afflicting your franchise.  Which leads me to...

THE CURSE OF THE DREAMWEAVER

Before the Curse:  10 World Series Championships ('26, '31, '34, '42, '44, '46, '64, '67, '82, '06)  Won the 2006 World Series in 5 games.

After the Curse: Made the playoffs once in 4 seasons.  Swept in 2009 Division Series by the Dodgers.

THE CURSE:  I know what your saying.  Jeff effin' Weaver?  That's the best you've got? Well, yes. It is.  Sure, he has a pretty mediocre career record of 104-119 in 11 seasons with 6 mlb teams.  Sure, baseball reference finds him similar to such megastars as Ishmael Valdez, Andy Ashby and Sidney Ponson. And sure he "sat out" the whole 2008 season because he did not want to toil in the minor leagues for the Brewers.  So why does this journeyman get the honor of cursing one of baseball's classiest franchises?  Because in the 2006, the dude just brought it. 

Acquired in July 2006 from the Angels for a bag of balls named Terry Evans, the Dreamweaver brought his usual averageness to the Cards going 5-4 with a 5.18 era and 45 Ks in 15 starts.  45 Ks in 15 starts?!? Sweet Jesus.  But luckily for the Cardinals, Weaver inked a sweet deal with the devil in time for the playoffs.  In the Division Series against the Padres, Weaver went 5 strong inning giving up only 3 hits and no runs. 1 win.  In the NLCS, he went 1-1 with a 3.17 era winning game 5.  But it was the Series where he really brought his A game.  Even after losing Game 2 to the Tigers, Weaver dominated in the clinching Game 5 throwing 8 innings while only yielding 4 hits.  On top of that, he had 9 Ks.  Overall Series stats: 1-1, 13 IPs, 14 Ks.  Not too shabby.

And how did the Cards reward this workhorse that helped them through the playoffs? By allowing him to sign a 1 year, 8 million contract with the Mariners.  Is this fair?  Should a team be punished for not wanting to overpay an extremely average pitcher after a pretty good two week stretch at the end of the season? No, it probably isn't fair.  But as I have discovered in my research, the Baseball gods are very fickle.  Karma is all-around the baseball diamond so you best not eff with it.  If that means keeping an innings-eater, who would ultimately end up going 7-13 with a 6.20 era in 2007, on your roster for another year then so be it.

EVIDENCE OF THE CURSE:

• Finished 3rd in division in 2007
• Finished 4th in division in 2008
• Wins division in 2009. Swept by the Dodgers in NLDS.
• Finished 2nd in 2010.  Faded big time after leading the division in August.
• Signed Kip Wells to replace Weaver.  It did not go well. 7-17. 5.70 era
• Has Tony LaRussa as manager.

CONCLUSION:  merely a mild case of being CURSED.

PRAYER FOR RELIEF: It is tough to say that any team with Albert Pujols can be considered cursed.  But if he leaves the Cards next year and/or is found to be juicing then I think this curse can and should be revisited.  In the meantime, it may not hurt to try and make a play for Jeff's little bro, Jered.  Jered is waaaay better than is big brother and could smooth over any

Cursed: Pittsburgh Pirates

THE CURSE OF THE SID BREAM

Before the Curse: 5 World Series Championships ('09, '25, '60, '71, '79), Division Champs with 95+ wins in '90, '91, '92.

After the Curse: 18 straight losing seasons. Longest consecutive losing streak ever of any team in any of the major sports.

THE CURSE:

Shocking to anyone under 25, the Pirates were actually a good team in the early 90s. Led by manager Jim Leyland, the Pirates thundered to 3 division titles in '90-'92 behind the bats of the Killer B's (Barry Bonds and Bobby Bonilla), Andy Van Slyke, and Jay Bell and the arms of Doug Drabek, John Smiley and Stan Belinda. After first falling in six games to the Reds in '90, the Pirates had two epic battles with the Atlanta Braves in the '91 and '92 NLCS. In each series, the Pirates were heavily favored. In '91, the Pirates led 3-2 with Games 6 & 7 to be played at Three Rivers Stadium. However, in both these home games, their bats went silent and the Bucco's were shut out in both games; 1-0 and 4-0; propelling the Braves to the World Series.

The Pirates got their opportunity at a rematch with the Braves the next season. Many viewed this run as the Pirates last shot at a World Series Championship as the team had already been forced to trade Bonilla & Smiley during the off-season and potential free agents Bonds & Drabek were seen as unlikely to return to Pittsburgh. The Braves jumped out to a 3-1 lead but the Pirates battled back to force a Game 7 in Atlanta. Behind a masterful performance by Drabek, the Pirates held a 2-0 lead going into the bottom of the 9th. Then the wheels came off. Terry Pendleton led off with a double. David Justice then hit a grounder to Jose Lind. Lind, who won a Gold Glove at second base in 1992 and committed only six errors during the season,booted the ball. Justice was safe at first on the error and Pendleton advanced to third. Drabek then walked central Pennsylvania's own Sid Bream to load the bases. The next batter, Ron Gant, flied out to Bonds in deep left. Pendleton then tagged and came home to make the score 2-1, but Justice, the tying run, remained at second. Reliever Stan Belinda then walked Damon Berryhill to again load the bases. Brian Hunter then flied out for the second out. Little used pinch hitter Francisco Cabrera then strode to the plate. With the count 2-1, Cabrera smacked a Belinda high fastball to left field. Justice scored easily with the tying run, but former Pirate Bream represented the winning run coming from second base, and was known as an unusually slow runner. The ball was hit to Bonds' left, forcing the left-handed Bonds to move left and throw across his body. Bonds' throw was high and about six feet up the first base line, forcing catcher Mike Lavalliere to field the throw and sweep his glove back to the plate. Bream just barely beat the throw. The Braves won the game 3-2, and the Pirates have not even sniffed success since Bream's amazing slide.


Evidence of Curse:

• Did I mention 18 straight losing seasons.
• Finished last or 2nd to last in division in 13 of the 18 losing seasons
• After winning his second MVP award, Bonds signs with San Francisco in the off-season
• Cy Young award winner Drabek signs with Houston.
• Bad trades abound. List of shipped off players include Aramis Ramirez, Jason Bay, Nate McLouth, Freddy Sanchez, Xavier Nady, Jose Bautista, Adam LaRoche, Nyjer Morgan, Jason Kendall, Jose Guillen, Bronson Arroyo, Matt Capps, Jack Wilson. I could go on...
• Bad free agent signings: too many to list.
• Just had worst losing season in team history in 2010 finishing with 105 losses. So much for rebuilding.

CONCLUSION: DEFINITELY CURSED

PRAYER FOR RELIEF: As this team's curse seems especially dire, drastic actions are needed. According to NBC11 in Atlanta, curse-master Sid Bream lives in "the rolling hills outside of Pittsburgh." Might be time to bring him in as a hitting coach or bench coach or some other sort of figurehead position. Or they could just stop giving away their good players. Otherwise I have no doubt that we will see Andrew McCutchen in a Yankees jersey and the Pirates still at the bottom of the standings.